I've never been good at living a simple life, but simply having her seems more than enough for me. The love I have for her overwhelms me sometimes, comes crashing over me like a wave. It's a complex feeling, one that I have a hard time explaining - you'll know it when you feel it.
Making my life complex seems to be my way of feeling fulfilled, my sense of accomplishing something. To keep myself so busy that I can't even take time to think of anything else - it was more of a distraction than anything. I am putting on the brakes, screeching to a halt (well almost). I am saying no to some great opportunities at Dordt, but that doesn't make me less of a person. Having time for myself, for God, for my wife and this family that we make up, that isn't a bad selfish anymore, but a needed selfish. It's simplifying my life some, allowing for a healthy self, a productive and joyful me.
Jana, to you I say thanks. This complex love has helped slow me down, has helped simplify. To the people I hold as close friends, I thank you for your patience and constant support. I have just what I need with what I have, I no longer need multiple events to make me feel whole. I have the love of God, the love of my beautiful wife, the love of friends. I think I'm finding my feet and beginning to walk on my own, that is without the crutches of these structures.
Who knew that something so complex could make my life simple once again. I am a 5 year old at heart once again. Saying no has never been so freeing.
